Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Ned Colletti vs. Knowledgeable Fantasy Owner

After ripping apart Brian Sabean and the San Francisco Giants (who just lost Frandsen for the season and are now even worse on offense), it's time for a long delayed look at Ned Colletti. Colletti's incompetence has been ruining my beloved Dodgers for years. Let's look at just a few of his atrocious decisions. Keep in mind that I'm leaving off unexpected injuries, such as Bill Mueller's, since they're part of baseball (we paid Mueller millions to be a batting coach). Also keep in mind that the Dodgers had a top five or six payroll last year of about $110 million.

Knowledgeable Fantasy Owner (hereinafter, KFO): Rafael Furcal is not a premier player. He is not Miguel Tejada. He is certainly not worth Reyes, Rollins, or H. Ramirez. He steals bases, but his other stats are horrible. I don't want him on my real life baseball team for many years at $13 million plus.

Colletti: I want to give Furcal a shitload of money to bat .279, hit 6 HRs, and basically stink up the joint. Also, I'm going to deny him the leadoff spot, the only batting position that might cover-up his glaring deficiencies, to make room for Juan Pierre.

KFO: Nomar Garciaparra is worthless, even in NL only leagues. I don't want him, period. I certainly wouldn't want to get stuck with him for more than the time it takes to click on my waiver wire "drop" feature.

Colletti: Two years at $8.5 million per! Awesome! He can be injured constantly and block our promising youngsters from finding playing time! No one else wanted to pay him for even one year? Pishtosh. I'm happy with 120 games, five to six homers, and less than 60 RBIs. Loney can wait.

KFO: Esteban Loiaza had one good year and is now worthless, even as a free-agent acquisition. I'd rather find some middle relievers to eat my innings. The A's can keep paying his salary.

Colletti: I'll save the A's $7.5 million by picking you up. I won't even ask the A's to take on a good percentage of the salary. A 5.79 ERA? Looking at ERAs can be misleading. (KFO: I agree, but you're still an idiot, Ned.)

KFO: Luis Gonzalez? No. I want to be freeing up outfield spots for Kemp and Ethier, not blocking them.

Colletti: Old, overpaid OF? *gobble* *gobble*

KFO: Juan Pierre is basically a Michael Bourn type with a better track record. He plays horrible defense, but for fantasy purposes, he has some use. His skills are declining, though, and I don't want him for more than a year or two. His OBP is ridiculous, and he has led the major leagues in batting outs for something like 119 straight years. The most important skill a batter can have is avoiding making an out, and Juan Pierre is the worst in the major leagues at this fundamental talent.

Colletti: Five years, $44 million coming right up. Never mind that you're blocking younger, better players. And that I'm going to replace you with the also overpaid Andruw Jones (two more years!), pushing you to left field where your lack of offense becomes even more apparent. I don't care that you may be the only left fielder in the history of modern baseball to hit zero HRs or have an OBP of .331.

KFO: Derek Lowe is an afterthought on draft day.

Colletti: Multiple years at $9.5 million sounds fair.

KFO: Jason Schmidt is done.

Colletti: $15 million a year for several years? Sounds good. We'll even waive the physical. You used to be a Giant, right?

I could do this for hours. I didn't even talk about Hillenbrand, Hendrickson, or Wells. Shouldn't the fact that this guy came up through the San Francisco Giants organization set off alarms throughout the Dodger complex? We keep overpaying old, broken down, overrated players and shunning talented youngsters. Colletti's stunning inability to allocate resources effectively or intelligently analyze the worth of players reminds me of, I don't know, Brian Sabean?

4 comments:

Pogue009 said...

And people went after O`Dowd here in Colorado for ditching the Burnitzs of the world. The Dodgers would be a much better team if they just let their young guys play.

Pogue009 said...

On another not I keep getting reamed for a trade I made in a keeper league where I gave Berkman, Verlander and Bruce for Holliday. I know it was a little bit of a fanboy move but in a 7x7 with 2Bs and SLG% and WHIP/CG as the extra Categories I felt I needed more in those two. I used the two extra spots to grab Mclouth and Ethier everyone is telling me I got jobbed. I have Snell, Billingsley, Lilly, and Peavy already and figured with us only keeping 5 Holliday was worth way more than those two. What do you think?

Ben Westrup said...

FYI Lowe's been with the Dodgers longer than Colletti. Plus, he's been their most consistent starter for the past three years.

Mike Bock said...

I didn't say Colletti signed him, just that the contract "seemed fair" to him. Actually, I originally blamed the signing on Colletti, then couldn't recall when Lowe was signed, and I was too lazy to go check so I just made the language more ambiguous. Damn you sharp eyed readers!

Lowe's been consistent, but that much money? C'mon. There's a reason why the Dodgers have never been able to move him (and I think they've tried).