Thursday, June 5, 2008

Brett Myers loses his no-hitter: my heart bleeds

I almost tossed this into my last Errata column, but I dislike Brett Myers (and all other wife batterers) to such an extent that I felt it needed some breathing room.

As if those of you who drafted/scavenged Joey Votto needed another reason to be happy with his services, he managed to singlehandedly ruin Myers's no-hitter in the seventh inning yesterday and drive in the eventual winning run (which, admittedly, wasn't that hard considering Cincy was shut out).

If Myers had managed an A.J. Burnett-esque no-hitter -- he was up to six walks by the seventh inning -- I would have vomited all over my desk. Not only does he lack the decency to keep his wife beating at home behind closed doors, instead choosing to slap his spouse around in public outside the stadium, he's insensitive towards the mentally disabled. Who can forget this exchange from last year with reporter Sam Carchidi:

Sam Carchidi: “You thought they both were pop ups?”

Brett Myers: “Yeah, didn’t you? You think they crushed ‘em?”

SC: “The first one I thought was out, the second one no.”

BM: “Yeah, cause you’re a retard, you don’t know shit about fuckin’ baseball. You’re filling in for somebody.”

SC: “How do you spell ‘retard’?”

BM: “You know how to spell it, it’s in your fuckin’ vocabulary, I’m sure you know.”

SC: “You are classy, I’ll tell ya.”

BM: “Go on. [Get] outta here, you fuckin’ idiot.”

SC: [pointing at Brett Myers] “You’re the fuckin’ idiot.”

BM: “Hey! You pointin’ at me motherfucker?! I’ll tell you what, dude, I’ll knock you mutherfucking out! FUCK YOU!!! You’re tough when fuckin’ people are standing in front of you, aren’t you, you piece of shit! Come on! You fucking idiot. Yeah, you’re tough when fuckin’ people are standing in front of you, you stupid ass.”

SC: “I’m a retard?”

BM: “Yeah, that’s right, YOU ARE, you’re a fucking idiot. You ask stupid ass fucking questions!”

Thank you, Joey Votto.


client-9 said...

Brett Meyers is a POS.

Hitting his wife in public kinda proved that.

I'm not sure his use of the word "retard" there was really that out of line though. I mean, I use the word retard sometimes but I wouldn't say it in front of a handicapped person, or make fun of someone for being mentally retarded.

Thats just me though, for all I know Brett Meyers might see a handicapped person and point and laugh.

Anonymous said...

He does have one of the greatest quotes though. When asked about going to the bullpen he responded..."Let me direct that question to my right arm"

Mike Bock said...

Unfortunately he gives that same response when asked if he's "still beating his wife."

Patttttt said...

Outta here.

Mike Bock said...

Give me back my FAT son!