Troy Glaus will never retire. He may, in fact, never even die. Instead, he will continue his cycle of being an extremely useful fantasy baseball player, followed by a year or two of injury and irrelevance (and whispers about certain illegal substances), before being reborn like a bat-wielding phoenix to become useful once more. I just hate that its Tony La Russa who gets to benefit from this year's rebirth.
Troy Glaus: 3-for-5, 2 runs, 2 HR, 5 RBI