Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Bits o' Hurl: Hot Stove Edition

Typing that headline just made me nauseous, as for some reason I hate the term "hot stove," but every baseball-related show, column, blog, podcast, etc. currently has a Hot Stove edition, so why not us? (This includes Baseball Tonight, which -- yep -- looks like it's still going to suck this year. Boy, I hope I get the MLB Network in my area, and, boy, do I hope it's good. Or at least better than Kruk and company.) Now, some Bits ...

-- Maybe now CC Sabathia can afford to buy new periods to replace the two he lost. The Yankees are giving him an absurd $161 million over seven years. Here's how I see this playing out from a fantasy perspective: CC will post an April ERA somewhere around the 7.76 mark he put up during that month last year. However, this time his owners won't panic, as they'll recall how he turned it around last May and blossomed into some kind of unhittable Jedi pitching deity. No one will sell low; everyone will hold onto him ... until May 11 when his arm will blow out as a result of the 253 freakin' innings he threw last year. Yankees fans will cry. CC owners will weep. I will casually check my watch and say, "Yep, right on schedule." (And, yes, I realize my "arm will blow out" prediction is a little vague as far as diagnosis-uh-es go, but it's all you'll be able to spit out once you see your #1 pitcher slumps off the mound in terrible pain -- i.e. "Oh, shit, CC just blew his fucking arm out!!!")

-- Apparently, if you believe the baseball media, spending $161 million on CC was just a warm-up and the Yankees will also make a play for Mark Teixeira, A.J. Burnett, Derek Lowe and Jake Peavy. If they can afford all of that, why not also hire 100 of the world's best scientists and lock them in a room until they suss out a way to reanimate Ted Williams' head and stick it on Robinson Cano's body?

-- K-Rod is heading to the Mets; Kerry Wood to the Indians. I think those many past injuries will continue to scare some off of Wood (and mayhap rightfully so) ... but I took a chance on him in one league in '08 (which I won) and I'd draft him again this year. He still looked sharp at the end of last season. Rodriguez ... eh. All those saves last year will drive his price too high. The closer position is so precarious. Billy Wagner is already a footnote. (Although he will earn $10.5 million in '09 for rehabbing his arm while he watches daytime soaps.)

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